


Failure.

by WhatTheWentz



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: My First Work in This Fandom, Suicidal Thoughts, after s1 finale, mentions of cutting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 13:05:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5627626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatTheWentz/pseuds/WhatTheWentz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is post season one, but has some season two spoilers.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Failure.

**Author's Note:**

> This is post season one, but has some season two spoilers.

Trembling hands gripped the phone as tears welled in too-young eyes, a breathless gasp escaping the man.

  
“Hello, slugger.” the older man opposite greeted, trapped on the other side of a pane of glass, voice laced with sorrow for the other, “Are you okay?”

 

The younger man shrugged, then after a few shaking breaths, let his words come out in a broken whisper, “I couldn’t save her.” a tear rolled down his cheek, and he raced to wipe it away, “I-I couldn’t… I was too late.”

 

“I’m so sorry, son.” the other man murmured, not knowing what to do, how to comfort his child.

 

The younger shook his head, “N-No… That’s not all.” he took a few deep breaths before speaking, “Caitlin’s husband Ronnie is dead, and so is Iris’ fiance Eddie.  It’s… It’s my fault.” he released a muffled sob and buried his face in his jacket sleeve.

 

“Barry.” his dad’s voice was soft, “Son… please, look at me.”

 

Barry sniffled, then rose his head, his eyes red and watery.  He murmured, “I got them killed, dad.  I wasn’t… I wasn’t fast enough.”   
  


“It wasn’t your fault.” his dad tried to reassure him, “I’m sure they don’t blame you…”

 

Barry sighed, “They should.  I should’ve--”   
  


“There was no way you could’ve stopped it.” his dad interrupted.

  
The younger man shook his head, “I could’ve… I’ve gotta… I have to go.”   
  


“No… son.” his dad frowned, “Please stay just for five minutes longer.”

 

Barry straightened, “I can’t.  I’m sorry…. L-Love you.”

 

“I love you too, son… so don’t do anything stupid.” his dad pleaded as he saw Barry hang up.

 

Within seconds, his son was gone.

 

*

 

“Cisco!” Joe West, Barry’s foster parent called, diverting the other man’s attention from the computer screen, “Hey, you seen Barry?”

 

Cisco brushed back a strand of his hair, frowning as he said, “I was going to ask you that.  He’s dodging my texts.”

 

“He didn’t show up for work today, work work, not Flash work.” Joe explained, crossing his arms, “He’s really taking all this really hard.”

 

Cisco sighed, “I’m really worried about him.”   
  


“So’s Iris.” Joe pinched the bridge of his nose, “She’s driving herself crazy with concern.  I mean, she can’t lose him too.  Not after Eddie.”

 

Cisco asked, “Do you see him at home?”   
  


“No, he’s being staying at the lab a lot, and at S.T.A.R Labs, like he really doesn’t want to see me.” he slumped, “I’m really worried he’s going to do something stupid.”   
  


The other man’s eyebrows rose, “Y-You mean… Nah.  Barry wouldn’t do that, would he?”

 

“The kid takes things pretty hard.” Joe’s arms rested by his side, “In his teenage years, he would skip school, and even started…” it took him a few attempts to force the words out, “He even started cutting himself.”   
  


Cisco murmured, “Oh, my God…  I’ve suddenly got a horrible feeling about this.  Is he at his lab?”   
  


“No, I checked there earlier today.” Joe crossed his arms, nerves getting the better of him, “I can’t lose him, Cisco…” he mumbled, “He’s the closest thing I’ll ever have to a son.”

 

Cisco stood, “Then, lets go find him.”

 

*

 

Barry sat at one of the laboratory tables, staring intently at the small black object in front of him.  His mind was jeering at him an endless litany of ‘doitdoitdoit’, whilst he mulled over his father’s words.

 

Could he do it?

 

Could the Flash end everything?  Metahumans still existed, people still needed saving, but for once, Barry Allen just needed to be selfish.  Just once, he had to feel peaceful again.

 

His shaking hands lifted up the gun, and he wondered, for a second, if this could even kill him, or if he’d be forced to survive.

  
Nope.  He’d be dead.  Not even his metabolism would fix it.

 

“Come on…” he breathed, “Do it.”

 

He clicked off the safety and pressed the barrel against his temple, trying to force himself to think that this was the right thing.  He wouldn’t be missed, not by Joe, nor by Cisco or Caitlin, or Iris or Oliver, or even by Felicity.  He’d just be another dead body.

 

He knew that he was wrong, but he couldn’t feel like this any more.

 

And then he heard the doors open and looked up to see Joe and Cisco staring, shock on both of their faces at the sight of a loved one holding a pistol against his forehead.

 

“Bar…” Joe stepped forward, his eyes filling with moisture, “Put it down.”

 

Barry hiccupped a sob, “No!  I can’t.  I can’t escape the fact that Caitlin’s husband is dead because of me, that Eddie is dead because of me.  I trusted Wells, and it’s my fault.”

 

“We all trusted him, we all believed him.” Cisco raised his hands, “It doesn’t mean you should do this!”   
  


Barry got to his feet, “It’s not just that… I saw my mother, when I went back in time.” he whimpered, “I saw her, and I saw her die.  I couldn’t stop it.”

 

“Bar, I’m sorry.  But you know, we don’t do this.” Joe tried to get through to him, “We don’t give up.  We keep fighting.”

 

Barry practically screamed back at him, “I  _ can’t!   _ I’m sick of fighting, sick of playing the hero.  I just want it all to stop.  I want to stop feeling like every death is my fault.”

 

“It isn’t your fault.” Cisco inched closer, seeing Barry stiffen, “People die, and it’s horrible, but we don’t let this happen to us.”   
  


Barry’s voice cracked, “I’m not a hero.  I’m not Eddie, or the Arrow, or Ronnie.  The heroes aren’t weak, and I want to stop being weak.”   
  


“Grieving isn’t weak, son.” Joe finally managed to get close enough to touch his shoulder, “Grieving also doesn’t mean you’ve stopped fighting, it just means you’re human.”   
  


Barry gripped at his head, “I don’t feel it.  Every time I close my eyes, I see mom, or-- or Eddie, or Ronnie.  I don’t want this gift anymore, it’s wasted on me.  I’m not a hero.”

 

“Yes, you are.” Cisco reassured, “Although you might not believe it, you are a hero.   You’ve saved lives.  People believe in you, I believe in you.  So don’t do this.”

 

Joe’s hand touched the one holding the gun, and he breathed calmly, “Put it down, son.”

 

Barry nodded, and the gun clattered to the ground.  The speedster’s shoulders trembled with sobs, and he found himself being brought into Joe’s embrace, both of them also falling, Barry full on weeping into his shoulder whilst the elder tried to piece him back together.


End file.
